Originally when I decided to be a sugar baby, I had the idea that I would only pursue platonic relationships. A dinner here, a cheque there, a pair of louboutins followed by a champagne toast, me as arm candy and perhaps a worthy conversationalist. Things never end up the way you think they will. I knew the majority of relationships spent part of the arrangement in the bedroom, it just wasn't something I thought I would be comfortable doing. I never thought I would be ok with being with a married man, let alone entering into any arrangement where money and intimacy are exchanged. Although I have yet to actually break this rule, I find myself edging closer and closer to it and I'm not sure if I would say closer to being 'ok' with it, but getting closer to accepting it.
I've always been a skeptic when it comes to marriage and commitment, though I have no reason to do so, and have always thought it is silly to believe that your significant other will be faithful to your monogamous relationship. Yet it was not until I actually joined a site and started talking to people who have been on both sides that I realized the reality of my skepticism. It is one thing to say you believe something, and another to actually enact it.
Perhaps I am actually a romantic at heart?
I want the type of relationship that I have only seen a few couples share. It is committed, it is loving, it is based on communication and a mutual respect, and it works. Both parties are happy and never find themselves asking what if or with wandering thoughts.This is the ideal relationship, and that is what makes it so difficult to not only find but to hold onto. I know it is a possibility, but a very small one and I wonder if my skepticism of marriage is actually the manifestation of my worry/belief that I won't be able to find the type of ideal relationship and will have to settle and resign to a relationship where the man strays and finds solace in the arms of another.
Although I think prostitution should be legal, I'm not sure I could ever do it, emotionally, unless it was a necessity. I'm not equating the sugar bowl with prostitution, but it is a little too close to that line for comfort. As a rational human being, I can try to rationalize that the money or gifts I'm receiving are to ensure that I have enough time to spend with my sugar daddy and don't have to stress about a job, but I think deep down I would think he was just paying for sex. The best way I've heard a sugar relationship described, is as one with "few strings attached." This means that it is not emotionless, or else it would be the same as prostitution or escorting, but it is also not a relationship, and has no intentions of ever headed there, because the man is already married, or for whatever reason. Few strings attached means that when either party wants to end the arrangement, both sides will politely say their good byes and go their separate ways. If both parties are able to do that, just end it, it seems closer to no strings attached, because to me, relationships, emotions, strings, whatever you want to call them, are messy. You can't just cut strings like that unless they are not there in the first place. So I suppose I'm still a bit lost as to how most SBs rationalize this. Maybe if I find that type of relationship I will be able to understand better, but I truly would like to know how individuals see these types of relationships. Perhaps it is because I am still not fully part of the sugar bowl, and so I have an outsiders view, that sugar dating is essentially prostitution or gold digging, as I have so often heard it described.
I've always thought of myself as an unfeeling person, one who could have sex just for the fun of it, without any emotional strings or expectations. And although I am able to have essentially one night stands, I find myself feeling bad the next morning. I feel dirty, used, embarrassed. I am not sure why, when I wasn't raised in a conservative household, and have always thought emotionless sex would be not only fine, but fun, that I feel this way. Have I internalized societal norms? Or am I more of a romantic than I thought?
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