I am now casually dating someone. And lets just say that the first time I spent the night, we broke his bed.  I know I'm not supposed to take anything men say in bed seriously, but it still weirds me out when they say, "I love you."  I mean here I am, between your legs, going down on you, and then you just blurt that out?! Cue me stopping for a moment and just staring, before reminding myself that I should just take it as a compliment to my oral skills.  How do people deal with this though?
I know my oral skills are admirable, (thank you porn!!) but I'm really not all that experienced and I don't feel that I am at the level to have guys constantly yelling sweet nothings and convulsing under my grip.  Maybe I should write a 'blow by blow guide' since it seems most women are severely lacking in the oral department... which surprises me because it's really not that difficult to do, and honestly, I love giving head.

Back...?

So I might possibly be back on my sugar hunt.  Not sure, I took a break for awhile because I was about to be a bit more well known, and I didn't feel comfortable not being completely anonymous.  But I have decided to postpone that foray, which leaves me open for another dip into the sugar bowl.  I've been talking with some potentials, three of them seem like genuine possibilities.  Again, it really depends on my comfort level though.  So I may take this slow, or not at all.
So toodles for now.

"A well dressed man is to women, what lingerie is to men"

A man who can dress himself is sooo sexy

Yum

Can I also just say that I love how men want to be objectified and want women to look at them like a hunk of meat.  I mean, women hate that but jeeze, a good looking man in a well fitted suit, wow.

Sugar Wishlist

Tom Ford Sunglasses 

Rebecca Minkoff Morning After bag

Celine Phantom Ghost bag

Chanel

Chanel

Louis Vuitton Hat Box

Giuseppe Zanotti (not necessarily these)

Burberry Quilted Jacket

Duffel Coat

Burberry

Louboutin

Hermes Birkin bag

Audi R8

5/18/2012

Why don't you take me for a ride ;)
The sugar bowl is a turbulent mistress.  One day there are no new potentials, and the next, well I'm having trouble keeping them straight.

I know there are protocols that a sugar baby is supposed to do to verify a potential before meeting him, and to ensure safety, but I'm not exactly sure how to tailor those to each of my situations.  The nice thing about potentials from your area, you can meet them the next day, the bad thing about potentials from your area, you can meet them the next day.  As in suddenly the 'getting to know you' pre-meet phase is sped up and the guys want to meet the day after first contacting you.  Normally I would insist on a few more correspondence over an extended amount of time, but the gifts this guy is offering for meeting for a drink (in a place of my choice, so of course it would be in a crowded place where I feel comfortable) are very very tempting.  Something tells me he's genuine in his offer, especially since the gifts he's offering aren't completely exorbitant.  However I'm also inclined to believe that he won't be good on his offer.  Either way, should make for an interesting experience.

It's Official

I've been wondering what to write for some time now.  On the one hand, this is supposed to be for me, so I should write whatever I damn well please... which is why making sure this remains anonymous is so important to me.  But on the other hand, this is public and it is the internet and anyone could read it and maybe connect me back to it?  Or if I choose to write about someone, someone might realize who it is?  So I'm really not sure how candid to be.  I don't want to be a bitch but I also don't want to have to censor myself, I mean what's the point of this then?

Well I met with my first potential a couple weeks back.  And when I say first, I mean first time I've ever met any potential.  First time meeting in real life.  I was so scared, that I actually considered standing him up and being a 'poof baby'.  But I would feel bad about that, and I said I was going to be a sugar baby.  I made a commitment to at least give it a try and see what this is all about.
Things went ok, he wants to see me again.  We just did the basic getting to know you conversation.  And of course graced the subject of what arrangement we are each looking for and how it would work out.  Money was not discussed, as it should not be on the first meet.  That is entirely for getting to see how the person is when they don't have the internet to hide behind.  Though I do love what one SB has done, setting up a paypal account and having any pot send her a refundable deposit of $100, just to prove that they are serious about meeting with her.  Although she clearly states that it is refundable, no one ever takes it back, the poofs nor the ones who do materialize.
I am unsure of the customs for first meets, I've heard of some pots bringing gifts (ipods, Tiffany's items, cash) though I am unsure of what is customary.  I would be lying if I said I didn't want anything, though I was not expecting anything.  He did give me a sum of cash on our departure, which I was very surprised and thankful for.  I have heard of one girl getting $1,000 in cash just for going out to dinner with a guy, though the situation was different as it was a one time thing and not the first meeting, or should I say interview?  I did feel like it was an interview, with a hint of perhaps a slight sexual undertone?
I was originally planning on wearing a gorgeous sun dress with a bright boyfriend blazer and boots, but it was cold so I just wore my school attire.  Of course I touched up my makeup and added earrings before I set out for my first meeting.  But I kept it simple, sophisticated, with a hint of sexy.  Skinnies, boots, tank, and loose silk cardy (and of course a wool peacoat).
I had planned to get to the restaurant at least half an hour early, to settle my nerves, have a drink, maybe do some reading, but he arrived first.  At least he isn't a poof daddy!
I know I've mentioned my love for shock an awe, in the bedroom, but I learned that you don't need to remove any clothing or do anything remotely sexual to get that same reaction.  On entry, I immediately made eye contact with him, and smiled.  Well, his eyes nearly popped out of his head and he almost fell off his chair, always a good sign.
Now I'll admit, the pictures I send are blurry at best and not the best quality of me.  Let's just say that I look better in person, at least that's what I'd like to tell myself is why he reacted as such.  Perhaps its also the reaffirming of my power in the situation, that I have control and that I am in charge.  It makes it much more comfortable.
He asked what type of shoes I like, though he didn't ask what size I am so I'm a little unsure if I should expect a pair of Loubies in my future, if we even have a future, of which I am still unsure of at the moment.
Part of me felt great afterwards, that I did it, I accomplished and followed through with my fear, I conquered my anxiety.  And lets face it, there are few jobs where you can make that much cash in such a short amount of time.  Not to sound spoiled or ungrateful, but I had hoped for more, though I am of course very thankful for what he gave me.  If I am to look at this as a statement of his means, and what to expect in the future, I'm afraid it might not be worth it to keep him on.
I wanted to reward myself with a shopping spree, but instead I used the money to pay off some debts.  So within a few hours of earning it, I spent it all, not all in one place, and with no material gains to show for it.

The weird thing is that when I returned to my actual life, a friend of mine brought up the sugar life, and well, completely bashed it.  I was a little unnerved.  I am surprised by how few people know what "sugar dating" is, and it rarely comes up, so for me to return from my first sugar experience only to have a friend bring it up unprompted?  Coincidence?  It remarkably diminished the high I was feeling for accomplishing something, and made me feel, dare I say... dirty?
Perhaps this is why I am feeling not only unsure if I will continue with the sugar life, but also a little unsure of myself.  I am feeling a bit sad and alone?  I'm sure it would really help if I had a fellow sugar with me whom I could talk to, or even a community to go to, just to know that I am not alone and that there are others out there, more experienced SBs who have no fear and no shame, who can bestow their words of wisdom.  So my fellow sugars, where are ya?

Bucket List

      I think it's important for everyone to have a bucket list.  I don't mean a list that you make on your deathbed with all the things you'll never do.  I'm talking about one you make right now and revise it as you get older, because let's face it; our desires change over time.  These items can be as little or grandiose as you like.  From introducing yourself to a coworker to going to the moon, nothing is out of the question.

something for everyone

     The important thing is to not be passive.  In my experience, if you let shit happen without getting involved, you're missing out on life.  So even if you don't complete everything on your list, you are still more likely to cross out more on your list when you have it written down

Loubies mean Sugar

Louboutins must be the official symbol of a sugar baby.  Interestingly enough, last pair of loubies I saw were on the feet of a girl out with her friends at a bar... while the sugar baby I was talking to, was wearing no such thing.

When I finally make it big, first thing I will buy for myself is a pair of Louboutins.

OMG

  This is absolutely fabulous, I want!!!

Sweet or Sour?

      Originally when I decided to be a sugar baby, I had the idea that I would only pursue platonic relationships.  A dinner here, a cheque there, a pair of louboutins followed by a champagne toast, me as arm candy and perhaps a worthy conversationalist.  Things never end up the way you think they will.  I knew the majority of relationships spent part of the arrangement in the bedroom, it just wasn't something I thought I would be comfortable doing.  I never thought I would be ok with being with a married man, let alone entering into any arrangement where money and intimacy are exchanged.  Although I have yet to actually break this rule, I find myself edging closer and closer to it and I'm not sure if I would say closer to being 'ok' with it, but getting closer to accepting it.

I've always been a skeptic when it comes to marriage and commitment, though I have no reason to do so, and have always thought it is silly to believe that your significant other will be faithful to your monogamous relationship.  Yet it was not until I actually joined a site and started talking to people who have been on both sides that I realized the reality of my skepticism.  It is one thing to say you believe something, and another to actually enact it.

Perhaps I am actually a romantic at heart? 

I want the type of relationship that I have only seen a few couples share.  It is committed, it is loving, it is based on communication and a mutual respect, and it works.  Both parties are happy and never find themselves asking what if or with wandering thoughts.This is the ideal relationship, and that is what makes it so difficult to not only find but to hold onto.  I know it is a possibility, but a very small one and I wonder if my skepticism of marriage is actually the manifestation of my worry/belief that I won't be able to find the type of ideal relationship and will have to settle and resign to a relationship where the man strays and finds solace in the arms of another.

     Although I think prostitution should be legal, I'm not sure I could ever do it, emotionally, unless it was a necessity.  I'm not equating the sugar bowl with prostitution, but it is a little too close to that line for comfort.  As a rational human being, I can try to rationalize that the money or gifts I'm receiving are to ensure that I have enough time to spend with my sugar daddy and don't have to stress about a job, but I think deep down I would think he was just paying for sex.  The best way I've heard a sugar relationship described, is as one with "few strings attached."  This means that it is not emotionless, or else it would be the same as prostitution or escorting, but it is also not a relationship, and has no intentions of ever headed there, because the man is already married, or for whatever reason.  Few strings attached means that when either party wants to end the arrangement, both sides will politely say their good byes and go their separate ways.  If both parties are able to do that, just end it, it seems closer to no strings attached, because to me, relationships, emotions, strings, whatever you want to call them, are messy.  You can't just cut strings like that unless they are not there in the first place.  So I suppose I'm still a bit lost as to how most SBs rationalize this.  Maybe if I find that type of relationship I will be able to understand better, but I truly would like to know how individuals see these types of relationships.  Perhaps it is because I am still not fully part of the sugar bowl, and so I have an outsiders view, that sugar dating is essentially prostitution or gold digging, as I have so often heard it described.  

     I've always thought of myself as an unfeeling person, one who could have sex just for the fun of it, without any emotional strings or expectations.  And although I am able to have essentially one night stands, I find myself feeling bad the next morning.  I feel dirty, used, embarrassed.  I am not sure why, when I wasn't raised in a conservative household, and have always thought emotionless sex would be not only fine, but fun, that I feel this way.  Have I internalized societal norms?  Or am I more of a romantic than I thought?

"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."  - Marilyn Monroe

As much as I agree with this quote, I can't help but feel rather saddened by it.  I want to believe that love and intimacy are to be cherished and valued, not used as tools to get what you want.  But those are words of romantics who reside somewhere other than reality.  Love is perhaps the shiny wrapping and pretty bow we put on lust to make ourselves seem more evolved, more human.  Or it is just chemical interactions.  Either way, I would be naive to believe that I live in a world filled with words that are anything more than just rhetoric.

Second Venture into the Sugar Bowl?

As of this morning, I am considering rejoining the land of sugar.  I've come to the realization that the world I thought I wanted, is not based in reality.  I don't enjoy playing games, and although as I've said I love the mental foreplay, to me a relationship is not a power struggle.  I like things to be clear from the beginning, which is the nice thing about sugar relationships.  The negative is that I'm not sure the attraction will be there especially if I know that it is purely a business relationship.  For me, sex does not equate romance.  Sex is sex and there aren't any emotions involved.  If I actually like the person the sex may be different than if I'm having NSA sex, but I don't need that connection to engage in coitus.  I like sex, but shhh don't tell anyone, I'm a girl and only supposed to have sex with my future husband when he wants it.  I love pleasing others, and sex is the epitome of pleasing someone.  I love being worshipped, and I love how vulnerable and open the other person must be with me.

I still have a couple months of school left, so perhaps it isn't the best time to reenter the sugar bowl, especially with finals coming up and then leaving for home once they're done, but I'm disappointed in the turnout of traditional relationships lately.  So maybe a break from them would be a good thing.

If only I looked like this during finals

Being the Dom.

I have come to realize that I have a little bit of a dominatrix side.  Those few instances where it has manifested itself have been, shall we say titillating?  I guess I didn't think of it as dominating or being the dominant to a submissive until someone made a comment connecting my experience and this label.

  I guess what I should say is that to me being the dom is all about being in control.  It's about you and doing what you want.  If the guy gets out of line, you push him back down and make him suffer by teasing him till he's about to explode.  It's about going all the way and right when you think he's going to lose it, he pulls you up so as to last longer.  It's making him have to consciously remove himself from you, physically.  It's about torturing him by smirking and giving him a moment to catch his breath, and then going back down to bring him back to that point.  It's about taking the lead, and giving him just enough cues that it doesn't sound like an instructional lesson, but that he can pick up on them and follow your lead.  It's all about the power, and that to me is the best feeling in being physically intimate.  That I am able to bend someone to my will and that their pleasure is directly connected to my actions.  That I am in complete control and get to choose what I do to him.  That he looks at me with those wide surprised eyes when I give him anything, especially when our bodies first graze one another till I leave him completely spent and exhausted.  I love that feeling of feeling his body against mine, the need and urgency in his touch.  How much he wants needs me.  So much so, that I can't remove his clothes fast enough and he rips them off himself.  How I can make him squirm at my touch and quiver as spasms of pleasure shoot through his body.  The way he wants to please me to thank me for what I've given him.  How he  wants to make me feel good, in order to transfer some of his own pleasure... but transferring it to me only makes him get more turned on.  How  he worries that since I've teased him this far, I may at any point stop and that would be agonizing for him and so he tries to make me feel the way I'm making him feel so I won't stop what I'm doing.
I love the feeling of being in control and putting my needs in front of his.  How doing what I want makes me happy, and yet it makes him even more so.  How thankful he is for getting to spend the night with me.

Do you

How can you expect someone to get you off if you can't even get yourself off?  Well I actually know someone who could... and did.  For the rest of us, get to know yourself.
I've often said that you shouldn't change yourself for someone, minor adjustments yes, but you should do things for yourself and not for someone else.
Case in point, I got a new wardrobe, abstained from getting off, removed all unwanted hair, worked out, worked my skin till it was soft with sweet smelling oils, and went out of my way to look nice and go to this guy.  Well guess what, it didn't work out.
The good thing is that it got me realizing how much I've let myself go (not that my stomach protrudes or anything, I've just rested on my laurels) and just haven't cared.  Before I met up with the guy, I went bar hopping and noticed an increase in the amount of attention and pick up lines I garnered.  Needless to say... she's back.  So girls, lock up your boyfriends, or you may feel a little upset when you see him hitting on me.

2/15/12

I feel horrible for leading people on from SA, but some serious events happened in my life within the last month since returning to school and has made me seriously reconsidered being a Sugar Baby.  At the very least, I need to postpone my involvement.  I feel like a poof baby to just disappear like this, but this is not the right time for me to be a part of the sugar bowl.  Perhaps in the future, but for now my plate is too full with the fall out from recent events.

Update 1/16/12

I DO.  Just kidding.  But in all honesty, who proposes after reading a profile and not even knowing the girl's name?  Did I mention we'd never talked before... and that he'd never seen a picture of me?  Stop sending me all of your accomplishments and telling how much you like what I've written, I'm not interested, I'm creeped the fuck out!!!

Don't want him to try and put a ring on it

Word of the day: Fatuous

Meaning: Silly, foolish, inane, or asinine especially in an unconscious manner
An example would be when a potential SD sent me an email saying, "hahaha" "no one is that hot."  Before I could respond, he blocked me.  What purpose does that serve?  Also, I don't mention being hot or even have a face shot on my profile, nice going genius.  I'm guessing he couldn't help it, but I wanted to teach him how to be a civil human being.  But since he blocked me, he didn't really give me a chance.  So, doing my due diligence to the entire community, I blocked him and reported his sorry ass.

Oh look, a jackass

Update: 1/7/12

      I've had a lot of luck in the sugar bowl so far... considering how short a time I have been a member.  I've got to say, it is a HUGE ego boost getting so many profile views and messages in such a short span of time.  Not to mention that I've got to blush when someone tells me they joined the site after reading my profile, just to talk to me.   A little freaky too,  I mean what if I'm great online but am actually misrepresenting myself and they're disappointed when they meet me in person?  What if my profile is great but when we start an actual conversation back and forth they're not into me anymore?  All these what ifs have me questioning why I'm doing this.  What if I'm not cut out to be a sugar baby...

     That being said, who offers a couple thousand and a weekend trip across the country just so they can meet you!?!  Sound suspicious and way too good to be true?  Agreed.  Which is what I told him... and then he blocked me.  I never said I would be opposed to it after a bit of back and forth, so this affirms my evaluation that it was probably a bogus offer or he was looking for an escort.

My body is worth more than this

     Through weeding out all the offers, I've been able to find a couple men who I am talking to and who seem to be rather promising.  I know this process takes time but hopefully everything works out.

Officially in the Market

      I just made my first foray into the sugar bowl.  I'm proud of myself for working up the courage to put myself out there and really just not be so passive.  This is something I told myself I would do for a while now so to actually have done it I feel a great sense of accomplishment... I also feel a great sense of anxiety.

Officially a Sugar Baby

     I've put a profile up, given my statistics, a brief peek into who I am and what I'm looking for.  Perhaps I should be more specific as to what I'm willing and unwilling to do... my first few messages have been from older married men who are looking for physically intimate relationships.  What do ya expect, men think with their dicks and the only thought that can hold their attention for more than five seconds is S E X.
     I'm kidding... But not really.  This is what I expected for the most part, I mean the site seems to be geared towards money for sex + chemistry.  This is going to make it more difficult for me to find what I'm looking for, as well as getting the information about relationships and men and women's relationships.  I am also interested in the dynamic of sex and how what is acceptable has evolved, but unfortunately unless I am willing to share a bed with someone, the data that I gather might be severely limited.  Oh well, this is more just to satisfy my own curiosity, I'll save the real investigating and documenting for my dissertation.
     Now all that's left is to choose and upload a photo...